A relationship of fear

I pray, but not to God, he's temperamental and sometimes just doesn't listen.
Instead, it gives me time to just close my eyes and consider.
It gives my thoughts time to think and my heart time to heel.
Time to make sense of it all and in a godly voice
give answers to my own questions.

I read the Bible, a very long time ago, when I was young
and just like Mcgyver, I dare not do it now lest I be disappointed.
And just as 'read' changes in tense, so to has the bible which I have now consigned to past tense, where, like a horoscope, It was broad enough to encompass everyone yet still specific enough for you to see your name in print.

And in a world where consequences are more immediate
and the afterlife is an after thought,
Where judgment is passed by peers
and laws made by man,
Where sentences are passed and served here on earth
I find my god has been replaced by conscience.

I have finally come to realize and accept the randomness that is life.
What a hard realisation it is.
Where good goes unrewarded, sometimes
Where the bad escape punishment, sometimes
Where help comes too late if at all, sometimes

And so, when god is apprantly testing me
When he is letting me learn the lesson
When I should just rely on my faith
When I should wait for him
When i should be praying to him
I've decided to just get on with it
fate/karma will just have to catch up

Life is a random occurrence of unrelated events.

Uncomfortable

I'm not entirely comfortable with profiting off death & Cancer, though given the opportunity I too would get my money right.

I'm not entirely comfortable with drunk women being allowed plausible deniability on grounds of inebriation though I do wonder why a man would sleep with a woman that drunk?

I'm not entirely comfortable with previously disadvantaged people claiming more than their worth though i must admit equality is less gratifying.

I'm not at all comfortable with criminals having rights, surely the law should be used against such people and not to protect them?

I'm not at all comfortable with the apparent authority given to a geriatric clergyman especially when he doesn't appear to understand our times.

I'm not entirely comfortable with children being added to the shopping basket of resources available for pilferage from Africa.

I'm not entirely comfortable with the exorbitant prices charged for the 50 shows and don't actually believe there will be 50 price worthy shows though given the opportunity I too would get my money right.

Puppy Love

A night club is not the best place to try and pick up women.
Think about it, the music is too loud for you to speak in full, clever,enticing sentences and
By the time you see that oh so special girl, she's seen so many of you that she doesnt know who the real slim shady is -
Even if i stand up!
And because of the sheer number of shady's shes had to deal with, she will assume she knows what I'm about, what i'm going
to ask, what I want, and beleive it or not, she does - There are only so many variations of incomplete sentences available.
How do you convey your desire for a woman in a look from across the dancefloor without staring?


when I smile you snear
when I speak, you can not hear
when I compliment, you jeer

do you remember a time

Where you could smile at a girl and she would smile back
Where descriptions of eyes, smiles and style were the only way to mack
Where a nigth out involved slow jams and you could slow dance
Where you could show you were together just by holding hands
Where you needed a dark place so noone would see you kissing
So you always went to movies and you called it smooching
and you didnt have popcorn cause it would get into your teeth and that would
be a bad idea if you were going to kiss someone
Where courting was about how much you liked a person "I really Like you"
where you worried about what you'd say not what you'd pay


Bring back those simple times

But who shall bring them back?
If not I, then who?

My first love - How sweet it was.
We got excited when we saw each other to the extent that
we could see the excitement in each other.
I remember getting those letters on that papaer that they all wrote on.
With smudges from where she had sprayed her perfume.
No sex, just a lot of kissing and feeling of boob
(I cant ever remember fondling both of her breasts for some reason)
I remember, vividly, going to her 'O' Level dance and just siting and doing nothing
Holding hands, hugging...Loving, even though at that stage I don't think we knew what it was.
And then at the end of the night, going home - in fact we didnt even know how we were going
home, cause that didnt even matter. Me and my mates walked from that school, all the way down second
street extension and it didnt matter.

I'm even smiling typing this out.

Love is the answer

The next girl I have (or more importantly is gracious eough to have me) is gonna get it big time!

The pre-game smack talk was relentless, I was feeling pretty confident after our win over Real but winning at Old Traford isn't an easy task. We, my uncle and I, went to watch it in Luton at Whitehouse. We were late, cause we're black like that and when we got there all the Zimba's were in full spirit. You'll always find Zimbo's gravitate to the same drinking hole - Something about safety in numbers though from what I always see, safety is quite the opposite of what you'll see.

There were some Mancs chanting in the corner next to our herd. In amongst the herd, I was surrounded by mancs, I stood bravely taking big gulps of my beer - so much for all the running!

The mancs were chanting, singing, cocky bastards. 

"Glory glory Man Uniiiited...." I took another gulp and started wondering if i rally should have said all those things earlier...ah well, balls to the wall....

THATS NOT A PENALTY!!! ARE YOU MAD!!! WTF!!!

1-0 shit, I really shouldnt have been that vocal...

More chanting from the mingy Mancs!

Then it happened, torres, come on......Goal!!!!!!!

Everybody's cheering, there they are my fellow scousers!!!

"Liiiiiiverrrrrrpooooool, liverpool, liverpool..."

Where were you guys??!! And then it began, like a tennis match, back and fourth, chanting, singing, shouting.....

1-1

Wait, another goal, what happened to all the Mancs that were standing around me?

Where are those loud mingy mancs gone to..."Your not singing anymore..."

LIVERPOOL!!!!

Mancs = gone to the toilet (probably to kotch with disgust)

Mancs = gone for a scaver (probably to calm their nerves)

Mancs = gone to the bar to get a dring (probably to drink away their sorrows)

"Raphael.....Benitez"

1-3

Shame, they're singing again, the mancs, they looked a lot bigger when I got here, they're so tiny, little boys even - Have they got ID?!

"We are the champions..."

Another goal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Who are ya!? Who are ya?!..."

1-4

My uncle, the mingy manc, creaps up behind me avoids eye contact and tries to say ever so forcefully, 'Ay, lets go, we gotta go to the launderette *****the washing machine isnt working so we had all the dirty linen in the car*****.

I was more interested in airing the dirty linen of Man U...I started singing, in his face "Liiiiiverrrrrpoooool, liverpool, liverpool!!!...."

He, my uncle, the mongy manc, tried to pull me out but I wasnt having it!!

"Liiiiiverrrrrpoooool, liverpool, liverpool!!!...."

This was the worst defeat at old Traford in 17 years!!

Go on Liverpoool!!!

Whilst this was going on, thanks to the beauty of technology I was being the worst winner i could be. Phoning, texting, twittering, facebook....I'm still doing it now, relentlessly!

LIVERPOOL!!!

YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALONE unless ofcourse you're Manchester united.

Go on Liver!

We won we won we won!!

How sweet it is!

Do you Know you're running?

I decided not to have any new years resolutions because they, in themselves, have no resolve.

Instead, I've become more resolute, and in so doing, I've started running and logging my runs Run Fat boy run

My thoughts along these runs are changing progressively every time i run.

Today I got lost and in this state of loss my thoughts let loose.

I was on a run. This was what I had planned to do...run.

So as long as i kept running, I wasn't lost.

So I kept running. This would have been fine if I could just concentrate on running.

Instead, I kept thinking that perhaps I was going in the wrong direction.

Then I saw it - Willen lake. What a serendipitous find.

Could i be lost if I had found something?

Could I find something without looking for it?

It was beautiful. Rippling in the wind yet still calm, in contrast to my heavy unsymmetrical breathing.

It was cold and fluid, like the breeze that ran over it, again contrasting to the sweat that dripped from my boiling skin.

As beautiful and calming as that was it wasn't the plan. I took it in and continued.

Running then stopping when I got tired or when I thought I was tired.

I made it home, eventually but that again, wasn't the point. The point was i ran.

And the point to this blog is not that I ran, but that I wrote.

Whats your point? What is your plan - Not for the future but for right now? What do you want to do?